Prepping for the Exam

the Queen and her retinue are all aflutter! the time is coming soon when our raven-haired ruler must make the greatest of first impressions upon the Princes!  there are nails to be polished, tresses to be braided, petticoats to be starched, shoes to be buffed! all this effort and more must go into preparations for the First Of Dates.  the queen's subjects have all kindly endeavored to comply with the order of "no frangipane", and as a token of solidarity have removed most honeyed cakes, slabs of beef and pork, sweetened drinks, and candied violets from their own tables.  she works hard, our queen, calling upon her former training with Lady Eva in the art of all things exercise. the queen is older now and has less stamina. of course, one does not speak of such things outright, but we are all very supportive of her efforts, and much improvement has been made on HRH's personage even as we speak.  God Bless our Queen.

so i have one. a date. i can't believe it myself. pinch me, Friend, because this must be someone else's life.

now before you go lecturing me to be careful and not jump into things blindly, etc. etc., i will take the time to explain that this boy i'm seeing next week operates at a glacial speed. which, for my purposes, it just about right.  it's been a long time since i've been on a date. i am terrified and exhilarated at the same time.  i want to make a good impression. i want to be liked. and i really want to have a nice time.  so a slow pace is preferable to a fast one. i need to get my feet wet before i slip into the sea. 

i am worried about my appearance, like many females of the species are when faced with this opportunity. i have been starving myself and exercising like mad. i have made significant progress since the end of january (thanks, Nutella!), but of course i'm already feeling like it wasn't enough. "if only i could be 10 pounds lighter" "if only i didn't have the beginnings of crow's feet" "if only i were my young, hot self"  if only...  but i am none of those things. i am 40 years old, 15 lbs overweight, have laugh lines, and don't look in the mirror to say to myself "ooh, hawt."  i know i am not a bad looking woman, but i am definitely a fearful one in this matter.  please understand, i spent years of my life seeing myself through Judas' eyes -- what a waste, and more importantly, what a disservice to myself! Judas never did much to make me feel special. but don't blame him; I always knew he possessed that trait. remember -- i was the one who settled. and now, here i stand without anchor or focus, and i have no idea if i am capable of Attraction.

"Frankenstein and Dracula have nothing on you; Jekyll and Hyde join the back of the queue -  the female of the species is more deadly than the male. Oh she wants to conquer the world completely, but first she'll conquer me discreetly - the female of the species is more deadly than the male" ~Space