when Judas left, i learned something very troubling about myself. we were locked in an emotional conversation, and i made pointed reference to the fact that Judas (above all others) knew me better than anyone in the universe. he paused; took a deep breath, and grew calm. he said, "that's funny, because i don't know you at all. you never let me in. you are the most complex person i have ever known, and i am tired of trying to figure you out. you are a stranger."
ouch. point in fact: Judas has known me for 20 years. double ouch.
but he was right. it was a cold truth, delivered with tact, but the freezing bullet pierced my breastplate nonetheless.
i was a stranger. am a stranger. i bet i can count on less than three fingers the number of people who truly know me. i have always made a habit of throwing up makeshift walls, using subterfuge and artifice to permanently detour any individual who attempts to get too close. anyone who knows me long enough knows this to be true. it is a marvelous weapon in business; it's why i got to management years before i should have in the traditional sense -- i can outthink, outplay, and outlast my enemies. i've been known to set in motion a course of action which will take years to unfold, and i possess an infinite amount of patience and self-control. if you really want to understand me, friend... go read "Dune". oh puh-leeze, don't cheat and watch that stupid david lynch movie; this isn't high school, and the movie did little to convey the complexity of the real story buried beneath the sci-fi trappings. simply put, that book's philosophy is my bible. i am the feint-within-a-feint personified. i know. i'm scary. i've been told that my entire life. but to my credit i also carry with me deep convictions and a strong moral code. i believe in honor, in doing the right thing versus doing what's best for me. i try my best to live a Righteous Life. it's why my friends (whose large number i am truly blessed with) not only remain with me, but have come to understand that even though they will never get me, they can truly trust me. i'm the one you call in the middle of the night because i'm the one who shows up with the shovel to bury the body; i will ask you why i buried it and demand a truthful answer, but i never question the fact that it needs burying, and i never ever betray its location to the local authorities. even when there is reward money.
so back to the topic at hand, and why it is important to explain this facet of my personality before i discuss the Two Princes.
The Other White Meat pulls my artistic, scientific, and satirical masks out of the bag and i wear all three concurrently. The trouble with Whitestuff is that he is also wearing concurrent masks but at the moment they are limiting his field of view. The Real Megillah.... hmm.... Megs seems to have dumped the whole bag on the floor and tosses each mask to me in rapid succession. Megs also has the audacity to think he can try MY masks on. they are MY masks. I am the Rightful Queen of Aes Sidhe, and i will not tolerate usurpers. well, until i do...
with the Princes, i am different people. again. this is a path i don't want to go down again, but i may be unable to control myself. we shall see; i hope the good guys win in this film. please pass the popcorn.
"And on the days that followed I listened to his words: I strained to understand him, I chased his thoughts like birds. 'You will see light in the darkness; You will make some sense of this; And when you’ve made your secret journey you will find the love you miss.'" ~The Police
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