although i subscribe passionately to the professional concept of the Three R's, namely "reduce, refine, replace", i have never been one to apply it much to my own life. like a good predator i circle my kill, taunt it, wear it down, tire it out. then blammo! one fell swoop, a swift bite to the axis & atlas, and this mamakiller puts it down once and for all. i take my time to make up my mind about things. i theorize, analyze, mantain a detatched focus until i am ready to commit. then once that switch is flipped, i jump in both feet first without so much as a wing and a prayer. i am rarely wrong. i think it's because i am patient, like that predator. laypersons think predators are hasty, quick to react and fast on their feet. not so! many are slow, methodical, and use they prey's weaknesses to their own advantage. ever watch a single shark attack? that king-of-the-pisces circles first, then it swims close and away, close and away. then a bump. then a bite. then a chomp. sushi time!
i often resemble that shark, mostly because my life has been around other sharks. bigger and meaner than me. i'm not a mean shark by any means. but i will bite you -- it is my nature.
okay, now that i've scared the pants off of you, i have some news. a revelation, even.
i think i've been taking the wrong approach.
those that know me are aware that i suffered a great tragedy last year. i lost my partner and best friend. the horrible thing is not that he's gone; the horrible thing is that he is alive and well, and living only a few blocks away from me. you see, he abandoned me. and i never. saw. it. coming. this time i was the unsuspecting prey and he bit me good. laws, yes! he done bit me dead.
but i survived. and after a dark time i don't wish to share with you (because let's face it, we have only just met) something remarkable happened: i began to mend. i didn't believe it right away, but shit-and-shinola six horrible months passed as if in a fever dream and then i awoke. and i was okay. not great, but okay. and different somehow. i continued to mend, osteoblasts doing their boogie-woogie love thing inside my fractured shell. they built a new frame, and threw in a new perspective for free. i think i like the new me.
if you're here to hear me kvetch and complain about my former kingdom i will sorely disappoint you. during those dark days i prayed every day for Strength and Grace. you know; you were there. and guess what? my prayers were answered, and i have come out of this with my dignity intact and my honor firmly in place. the Powers That Be were good enough to give me those gifts, and i will use them wisely. the truth is i will never forgive Judas for his betrayal, but i have moved on from it and that's just about as good as these things get.
the world is a big place and i have come to realize it is my playground. look! over there! is that a jungle gym? tag, you're it....
"i want to know everything i want to be everywhere i want to fuck everyone in the world
and i want to do something that matters" ~nine inch nails
and i want to do something that matters" ~nine inch nails
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