Alone With Her Thoughts

The queen has dismissed her court and sits alone in her throne room.

What am I doing? (she thinks to herself) How did I get to this place?

And then the most important question of all: Am I ready?

The butterflies in her stomach are sending mixed messages. They could be signs of fear or excitement. She vacillates between empowered and abashed. She wants very much to move forward with her plans for the kingdom but cannot decide if the augers were correct in calling these “auspicious times”.

Auspicious, indeed (she comments aloud to no one in particular) but for good or ill?

She rests her dimpled chin in a cupped hand and stares at a fixed point on the wall across from her. She thinks about all of her physical flaws, wishing against the laws of time that she could dial herself back ten years and be that physical person instead of the one she sees in the mirror now.  She has smile wrinkles in the corners of her eyes which weren’t there before. She has to color her hair every 4 weeks now instead of eight. She has to watch every single morsel of food which touches her lips, and has weight to lose before she can feel comfortable in her own skin. In short, although she never truly contemplated it before, she is now feeling her age. In truth, she is frightened of it. She will have to work three times as hard in the Art of Sex than princesses and solo queens near half her age. She thinks of Cleopatra, and is fortified somewhat.

It’s all in the mind (she reminds herself) You are what you put forth.

Yes, that’s very true. You are what you put forth.  Feeling pretty makes you far more attractive than if you are pretty but feel low. It’s the same in business: walk into a room as if you own the place and you set the tone for respect.  It’s not about arrogance, but about establishing your place in that world, even if you can only hold that position for a few moments.  Ah! I see! So with the First of Dates all I have to do is wear my prettiest mask before the Prince for the first fifteen minutes. After that, the beauty will either bubble forth on its own or leak weakly out of my ears.  

I am SO not ready…

I do this thing where I think I'm real sick
but I won't go to the doctor to find out about it
Cause they make you stay real still in a real small space
As they chart up your insides and put them on display.
They'd see all of it, all of me, all of it. ~Rilo Kiley